"Aha!"

Do you remember the movie "Coming to America"?  I'm not endorsing the movie....but I will admit it is an old movie that we've enjoyed and there are several funny parts played by Eddie Murphy.  One of the jokes at the end during the credits goes like this:

"A man goes into a restaurant. You listenin'? A man goes into a restaurant, and he sits down, he's having a bowl of soup and he says to the waiter, waiter come taste the soup. Waiter says: Is something wrong with the soup? He says: Taste the soup. He says: Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot? He says: Will you taste the soup? What's wrong, is the soup too cold? Will you just taste the soup?! Allright, I'll taste the soup - where's the spoon?? Aha. Aha! "

The moment the "Aha" comes is like a lightbulb moment, where you figure out he can't taste his soup because he was never given a spoon.  

Well I feel like I've been waiting for an "Aha", lightbulb moment, for a long time now.  It seems like I've done this or that, and many of them good things, but nothing fully "clicks" if you know what I mean.  There is no lasting change.  No lasting change in several areas of my life.  Finances.  Health/Weight Management.  Prayer/Devotional Life.  

So.....enter a challenge that is more about "inner transormation" that hopefully (but may not) bring outward change.  I am doing this challenge, knowing the process is more important than the product.  I am hopefully going to recognize what behaviors or attitudes that I have that contribute to me not  seeing the change I desire. 

If I am going to be real honest, I have found myself in a "drought" spiritually.  I am not worried about my faith, but I feel like for such a long time my cup was being filled regularly and I have slowly let it empty without "topping it off".    I am now running on fumes and need to be reawakened.  

I am a bit nervous that it still won't "click".  That the "Aha"s won't bring lasting change.  That I will sound like a broken record.  I'll let myself down again.  But that's just it.  It isn't about me.  It is about dependence on Him.  

Besides scripture, I am reading Kyle Idleman's book 40 Days to Lasting Change:  An AHA Challenge.  We've owned the book and this accompanying challenge for probably 3 years (since it came out) and yet haven't read it or fully accepted the challenge.  So I started today.  I have exactly 40 days till I go back to school officially and I pray these 40 days will bring the AHA moments that I need to transform these areas of my life (or at least change the trajectory of where these areas are headed currently).  I will journal my thoughts, struggles, and light bulb  moments on my blog from my readings.   AHA ia an acronym that through the study of Scripture and testimonies within the book will draw me closer to God by "Awakening to the reality of my spiritual condition; seeing with brutal Honesty, my need for a Savior; which then leads to my need to take Action to follow Christ's example."  Awakening.  Honesty. Action.  AHA!

Friends, if you read all of this....first off, thank you for reading and thank you for (hopefully) not judging me and my "drought".   Second, would you hold me accountable?  If you haven't seen a post in a few days would you privately message me and question me on it?  I would appreciate my sisters in Christ speaking truth into my life.  In the book, it quotes Proverbs 27:6, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted."  Kyle goes on to say, " a familiar voice speaking truth into your life is exactly what you need, but it's rarely what you want."  (So if we aren't real good friends, then no need to give advice---lol).  But if you are someone I have shared life with via a meal, a cup of coffee, prayer times, a bible study, etc.  then I welcome (I think) truth and/or simply encouragement.

I know I haven't hit rock bottom, but I also know...even if I can't currently pinpoint why....that I haven't always been honest with myself or with God about my struggles.  I also know if no one else knows I am struggling, then I can just go on with life and pretend like I didn't make this commitment or take this challenge.  I am really good at taking on a challenge and ending it a week later and no one was the wiser.  I am hoping this is my wake up call so that I never have to hit rock bottom or that I can at least head in the right direction, moving forward and 'growing in grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory!' (2 Peter 3:18)

Thanks for listening to my sentiments.