Gotcha Day

A few things I noticed while trying to honor the day that Chloe was forever in our arms.  I searched on my blog for last year's post where I shared Gotcha day pics and realized I never blogged about it. I knew I had posted pics on facebook, but never found them while searching my timeline.  So here I am a year later and going to highlight a few things  about Gotcha Day 2013.  Also while I was trying to create my slideshow/collage/whatever it was I was going to post....it was difficult.  Because the first one, which was adorable chalk art slideshow titled "Life is Good" just didn't seem to work for a day that wasn't the greatest day in the history book of the Strickland family and yet was one of the greatest all at the same time.  All the free music choices were "upbeat", "happy", and "cheerful"----when you see the pics in the collage, you will notice Chloe is anything but those three words.

1.  Some people don't even like the term "Gotcha Day"---I'm not one of them.  It seems like a shorthand way of saying, "the day you forever were received into our arms" or "the day we picked you up for forever from the orphanage/transition home/foster home that you had been living at up to this point".  Just simpler to say "the day we got you".  And in no way are we minimizing the day.  We didn't get to go to a store and pick you out and you weren't a prize to be had.  We waited a LONG time for this day.  We prayed a LONG time for this day.  Every adoptive family knows what this day means in their hearts and in the life of their family.  The day you changed our lives forever because we got to be your parents full time. The day that God gave you to us to hold forever---finally.

2.  Gotcha Day, 99% of the time is not necessarily fun.  I made this statistic up, but many that I've talked to describe this day as terribly hard for the newly adoptive parents, for the nannies or foster parents that have been caring for your child for a long time, and especially for the child.  Ours wasn't the worst day ever, but it wasn't the easiest either.  It was Saturday, so the majority of the House of Hope staff was off work that day.  There was a nanny and 2 cooks present when we picked Chloe up.  It had been 10 weeks since we had seen her last and we had a "substitute" staff liaison/translator that took us to the home.  She brought Chloe in and she immediately started screaming/crying to the point of throwing up.  We had to get some information like her eating and sleeping schedule and quickly she fell asleep in Chris' arms---which we believe to be her stress coping mechanism at the time.  I stepped down to the lobby to take photos and videos of newly referred kids whose parents were excited to get real pic of video footage of their children.....but even then we wanted to get to our guest house (hotel) and I didn't get to spend a good amount of time with these kids like I would have liked. I maybe spent 10 minutes with them.  The substitute was ready to take us to buy formula, Chloe woke up as we changed her into clothes we brought, said bye to the big kids I just photographed, the cooks kissed her and we were on our way.  She was crying again and again fell asleep in the back of the car in Chris' arms.  [Side note: there are no car seats in Ethiopia and driving is a bit crazy, yet there aren't many accidents.  So everywhere we drove after that, I would wear Chloe in the Ergo to make me feel like I wasn't breaking any child safety laws.]  We bought the expensive formula, made it to our guest house and started to slowly get to know our girl.  I was taking photos to document this day that I had waited for for so long.  We stayed in our room all day until we ventured out for a walk to eat dinner.

Of course Chloe at this time is going through one of the biggest transitions ever.  She had been in an orphanage-transition home--back to orphanage---back to transition home in her 19 months of life, but each time that transition was made, it was with one of her nannies and/or CHI staff and by people who spoke like the people she heard speak every day and smell like the people she was around every day (Ethiopia has a very distinct smell)---now she is with these two people she knows nothing about.  And she gets to leave the walls/gates of the only two places she's lived in.  Her world just got big. Big chance of over-stimulation.  You will notice on day 1 there is not a smile on Chloe's face in any picture on that day.  I will never have any idea what went on in her little head that day.  But I can tell you she and every orphan experience loss again on 'Gotcha Day'.  They lose their "normal"--whether good or bad--that they have experienced up to this point.  Although we had the "substitute" staff member, my guess is the day would have been much tougher to get through had we had to leave her favorite nanny or go through the entire CHI staff giving hugs or kisses.  So in retrospect, the Saturday pick up was good.

After nap time, it seemed she warmed up to us.  While in Ethiopia, Chris and I called her Dibora which was her given Ethiopian name.  [Her name here when we finally get her US birth certificate finalized will be Chloe Dibora Hope].  She didn't seem scared of us, but she wasn't happy either. She seemed to attach to her toy baby doll very quickly. She did say her first word "caca" (apparently universal) and it was in the right context (i.e.  she had a dirty diaper and she knew it) so we deemed her smart from day 1.  I don't remember her crying the rest of the day, even when we bathed her in a shower stall. We lotion-ed her up and she quietly went to bed in her crib.  It had been a long day.

Digital collage personalized with Smilebox

The next morning was a different story and we start to see the smiles and silliness that defines little Miss Chloe Dibora and we got to take her to church in Ethiopia.  Even though I decided not to go with the "Life is Good" slideshow.....I want you to know life isn't good all the time, but God is good all the time and all the time God is good.  He continued to show His faithfulness in bringing Chloe to us and us to her at just the right time.  It isn't always easy, but it is good and right to follow the calling that God lays on your heart.

For me, that is what Gotcha Day was all about.

One Year Referralversary!

15 months old at time of referral.

So many emotions in a year.  To think we just saw her face a year ago is sometimes unfathomable.  It seems she has been part of our family forever.  I reread my "At Last" blog post and it just doesn't capture the anticipation we had on this date a year ago.  We had every hope that we would get a referral that day.  On July 3rd I actually emailed our agency/social worker asking up the pending referral(s) we kept hearing about and knowing we weren't going to have great cell phone reception---"I kind of feel like the final weeks of a pregnancy and need to see my dr once a week!  Lol! (That's why I'm emailing you weekly!). Thanks."  

The response was good and nervewracking all at the same time.  She told me they were waiting on the last paperwork/pictures for 1 referral and they could not give me the gender (knowing we were next for a girl, but would be skipped if it was for a boy).  But then asked if I would have a cell phone!  Anyways, we thoroughly enjoyed our holiday, but we kind of were hoping, wishing, praying, knowing in our hearts, that Friday was our day.  You can read the rest of the story HERE.....sadly, we still owe Tobe a day of hiking, cave exploring. :) 

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July 4th/5th, 2014

Now she is 27 months old and been home for 8 months.

The shirt says it all "Family Rocks!"  Chloe was taken care of well at her orphanage and transition home.  She was even thrown a birthday party, she is smiling in her pics, her hair is done, it is obvious she wasn't being neglected in any form or fashion that you may think (now that still goes on in Ethiopia and around the world)---but she was cared for kindly by the staff.  BUT what she did not have was a FAMILY.  Family makes all the difference.  She says so many words, but some of her favorites to repeat are "sissy, Iden, bubby, Eli, Tobe, daddy, and mommy".  "Mommy" especially in the car, like an never ending game of Marco Polo---but I digress.  She prays with them, plays with them, is ornery with them, and loves them to pieces and they love her.  It is a treasure to watch the big 3 love on her, dote on her, teach her, feed her, share with her, pray for her, sing to her, and play with her.  (If only I could get Eden to change diapers).  Family is forever!  

*On a side note, since it is 4th of July weekend.....I will say that Chloe did NOT like the fireworks.  When we had our personal gathering with my cousin's family she watched them a bit, but for the most part snuggled into me.  Then Tobe and I wanted to see the "big" fireworks tonight at a neigboring town and Chloe said/acted like she wanted to see them too.  So off we went.  These were really loud and she would not look at them, again she snuggled into my chest, and held on for dear life.  Afterwards she kept saying "fireworks-scared" over and over.  I would take her to the scary fireworks over and over again for that snuggling into me experience.  Is that bad?  :)  

I love her to pieces!  So grateful for God's faithfulness to us.

Need a Mom's Night Out????

I've neglected the blog and I apologize.  Life is good, life is busy.  Perhaps I need a mom's night out?  I mean a LITERAL "Mom's Night Out"!!!???!!!  I got to see Sarah Drew's  testimony at the Hearts at Home conference.....and it made me super excited to see the movie.  I'm EXCITED!!!!  ONE MONTH FROM TODAY.

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/share-code/NWFiODQ0YzcxODIzMjMzN2E0NTcyNzExZDdiNjFhOjk=/

Easy, you say?

I have four children.  Each a different story in their "delivery" to our home.  Eden is my natural birth (and by natural I mean came through my woman parts---I still had an epideral (hollah!)) and also the only time we didn't know the sex of the baby before she came, Eli is my "he's so big we better get this started" induction that ended in a c-section (not to mention a state wide move at 7.5 months pregnant), Tobe is my planned c-section w/ a side order of gestational diabetes (and a good "let's scare you with some good 'ole genetic counseling as well), and Chloe is the longest expectancy that I have of course experienced and if you have followed my blog you know our timeline to bring her home.

There are a few blogs out there that talk about some of the insensitive things people say (many times unintentionally) when talking to adoptive families.  So since it is usually unintentional, the only way to combat it is to educate.  But this insensitive comment hasn't been mentioned in any of those blogs and yet with some troubling news within the Ethiopian program, I feel the need to write about it.  I know I'm not the only one to hear it.  I had a friend who experienced it:

"At urgent care with K this evening the nurse asks me "Is she adopted?" I replied "yes". The nurse replies "Could you not have kids of your own?" I laughed (at the ignorance of the words "your own") and said "something like that." She replies "Guess you took the easy way out...huh?"

Oh sister....the words that wanted to come out of my mouth. Thankfully I love Jesus...that's all I am saying!"

Then, some time in our last four months (it kind of can become a  blur).  Those words were addressed to me.  I can remember sitting down with this person and them asking about Chloe and with none of my biological kids in eyesight and she asked the same question. Actually it wasn't a question at all, it was an assumption formulated as a statement. "Oh you went the easy route."  I do have the pleasure of experiencing both giving birth and adopting and I can tell you with full assurance, I believe Chloe was my most difficult to bring home. And I am not just talking about a 17 hour plane ride. 

And right now I am hurting for some of my friends.  I am hurting for my friends with 3 kids that share their last name (for 8 months now), that accepted their kiddos' referrals OVER 3 years ago, but are still living on different continents.  I am hurting for the friend who is fighting with our embassy for her 2 kids to come home to an unplanned time line. I am hurting for friends who are waiting on clarity from God on how to proceed with their adoptions and answers don't come quickly.  I am hurting for the friend who has a picture of her son but no idea if she will ever get to bring him home due to unethical people beyond her control. I am hurting for the friend who has been waiting for 30 months to see a picture/referral with no end in sight when she was told when they first started the time frame was less than a "normal" pregnancy (I thought 24 months was HARD).  I am hurting for so many friends that were waiting on the next step, the anticipation of meeting their kids face to face and saying "yes" in court and now are on hold.  Friends, it is anything but easy.

The roller coaster of emotions is still there.  Even if you are not having morning sickness, hormones elevated, and a growing belly.    There is still "yuck" to deal with.  I remember thinking of a lot of "not fair" moments. Doubt and questioning whether you are with the right agency. Perhaps even opposition from family and friends. There was "yuck" not only in what seemed to me to be never ending "waiting" and hearing our child's story for the first time, but bringing them home and dealing with grief, loss, transition, culture shock, development after being in an orphanage with absolutely no stimulation, attachment disorders, learning a new language, not understanding an old language, food issues, sleep issues,etc and all these issues often come without having any background knowlege and the disadvantage of maybe never knowing where they stem from.  Many people deal with many of these adoption related issues. And some of that is just with international adoptions.  Fostering adds a whole new set of hard circumstances. Friends, it is anything but easy.

I won't pretend to know what it feels like to not have carried a baby in my womb.  I hurt for friends who longed for this and know it isn't a reality for them.  I know from talking to many of them that they struggled with infertility for years before bringing their blessing home.  They may have babies in heaven. The emotions that come with all of that.  They cried out to God.  They paid doctors fees and more fees for a chance at that pregnancy.  They were eventually led to adoption by God. We don't always have the answers to the "why's" in this life, but thank God my friends answered the call to experience family in this way.  Yet, it was anything but easy. 

I'm sure had this lady seen my 3 biological children, she might not have made that comment.  In a way, even though it angers me, it gave me the ever so slightest glimpse into the mama's heart that came to adoption because they couldn't  biologically have kids and I am grateful.  I applaud those mama's and those dada's.  I know it isn't easy and yet throughout my time waiting, I had 3 little distractions that I know must have eased some of my waiting pain.  Your lack of distraction and solely thinking of the life you are trying to bring home is not unnoticed by me.

And there is one more group of people.  Those that chose to adopt first.  Not because they couldn't have biological children, but simply because they wanted to start their family in this way.  And I know from some of their stories, it still wasn't easy. 

The final group reminds me of someone.  God Almighty.

"Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son."    
                                                                   Ephesians 1: 4-6

Even though God chose us before the world, even though he decided in advance to adopt us into His family-----It still wasn't easy.  Because we know this: "For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son.....". Christ was tortured for us.  He was humiliated for us.  He was spit on, mocked, and forgotten by his friends for us.  He carried the cross for us. He shed his blood for us. He died for us.  He took on our sin for us.  He fought Satan for us.  The end result? Family. Heaven. Salvation. Promises Fulfilled.  The road to get there? Loss. Grief. Abandonment. Betrayal. Leaving his home. Hard.

Adoption is forever family, beautiful, worth the wait, a picture of God, faith strengthening and exhilirating (did I say worth it?).  It is also anything, but easy.



***DISCLAIMER [I hate that I feel the need to write a disclaimer.  But these days, people go misunderstood.  I want you to know I am not negating the "hard" that comes with our own pregnancies.  I know many people that have very high risk pregnancies and many that worked very hard with many trials to get there.  It is also anything, but easy.  But as one that has experienced both and as women, I know we don't want to be insensitive....I simply write this to educate that adoption is a different road, one that is not easy, and yet the results of entering into motherhood are the same.  Let's treat the mothers that entered into motherhood through adoption with the same respect.]

"Great is Thy Faithfulness"----Legacy by Leta

***Note:  Chris wrote this 5 years ago after my grandmother's 90th bday celebration.  Now 5 years later I am reposting it.  She is in heaven celebrating with Jesus.  No lady deserves it more.  I am so grateful for everything my grandma stood for.  Family. Faith. Grace. Grandma.

"You will not read about her in a history book, she will not be heralded by the media. Though her influence is widespread and continues to grow. Born to David and Dorthy Dotson,  her mother passed away when she was seven, leaving her to be raised by her father and grandparents. Later in life she would marry her sweetheart, Asa. Even though her husband did not attend church, she remained faithful. Seeing her husband go and come back from war, she leaned on her Heavenly Father to give her support as she worked in a factory making gunpowder for the war. Working in the factory, farming, or as a seamstress, she helped provide for her 7 children with financial support as well as making clothes for all the children, providing delicious meals, and making sure her children knew they were loved. She not only talked about the love of God, but was the practical, day to day, hands of God in the distribution of love and grace. Would it not be fitting, that on her 90th birthday last Sunday, she would sing with her 4 daughters a hymn of declaration that she has lived out. "Great is Thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see, all I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me." A great testimony of faith to her loving church, her children, 20 grandchildren, and 18 great grandchildren.In these turbulent times, when the stock market is up and down, in a time of war, where the future is dim and unclear, thank you Leta Bell Malcom. Thank you for reminding me to continue to place my trust in God. Thank you for sharing that with your children and grandchildren, especially to your grandaughter, Amber, who will help me pass on this legacy to our children. No, her name won't be known by millions but her faithfulness to God is her legacy that will continue to be handed down to generations."---Chris Strickland

My beloved Grandma--Leta Bell Malcom. A true saint in heaven.

Her Legacy: Grandma had 7 children, 20 grandchildren and 26 great-grandchildren.  (If I can count!)